Helping thy Enemy
Perry is sick so Phineas and Ferb try to make sure he gets rest. But all forms of comfort disappear and the only place to get it is from Dr. Doofenshmirtz. It's expensive, but the two brothers can help him with his new inventions as payment...And maybe, they can even teach the evil scientist that there is more to life than just "evil" and "vengeance". No, Doofenshmirtz is not gonna turn all goody goody Chapter One Candace narrowed her eyes and creeped down the hall to the stairs. It was already 10 o'clock...there was no construction going on, nothing! Not even a TV was on, no music, she had even checked outside to see if they had ended up in space or something, but no. The house was on the ground and everything seemed...normal. But normal wasn't...right in the Flynn-Fletcher house. Phineas and Ferb would be building their daily project by now. They weren't in their rooms...in fact, Ferb's toolbox was still in there, untouched. "Phineas? Ferb?" she called, scared she might set something off. Suddenly they poked their heads up from behind the kitchen counter. "Shhhh." Phineas said as Ferb put a finger to his lips. "Perry's trying to sleep." "What?" she whispered harshly, putting her hands on her hips, but the two had already disappeared behind the counter again. She sighed and walked around it quietly, spotting Perry on a pillow, his eyes half open and breathing loudly. "He's sick." Phineas said softly, frowning. "We thought we'd keep him company, quiet company, he's been trying to sleep all night, moving everywhere, and he keeps laying down near us so we figured we'd go next to his bed." "Well, maybe we should take him to a vet." Candace said, going on her knees to Perry and stroking him. The platypus let out a soft sigh and she stood again, noticing the two were still in their pajamas. "Mom is going to take him when she gets home in a few minutes, she went off early before we got to tell her." Phineas explained. "Now hush!" She rolled her eyes and walked away back to her room to go on the phone and talk to Stacy. Phineas watched Perry, worried. What if he...went away forever before his mom came home? How did he even get sick? He was really hot, but they couldn't understand him so they didn't know what he wanted. Though right now he probably needed rest and comfort. Suddenly the platypus stood and walked away to the living room. Phineas and Ferb watched as he climbed on the couch, curling into a tight ball, his head poking out to look at them. That's when it happened. There was a bright flash of green light and the couch seemed to shift, along with the floors and curtains. Immediately Phineas and Ferb stood to investigate when Perry jumped off the couch and landed with a smack on the floor. "Ouch, that looked like it hurt!" Phineas said, running over to pick him up. He froze when his feet suddenly felt cold. Ferb nudged him and pointed at the ground. The once carpeted floor was now cement. "That's...weird..." Phineas said, putting Perry on the couch. He picked him back up when he saw the couch was now a giant green cement block shaped like it. "Weirder..." Ferb touched the curtains which were now made of glass when they heard a shout. "Phineas! Ferb! Why is are all of my things rocks?" Candace shouted, running down the stairs. "What do you mean?" "My bed is a giant block! My stuffed animals, they turned into hard wood! Ducky Mo-Mo is a pine cone! What did you guys do?" "We didn't do anything!" Phineas said quickly. "But now Perry doesn't have anywhere soft and warm to lay..." Ferb nudged Phineas. "Perhaps some fresh air will help, the grass is sof-" he cut himself off when he looked outside. All of the grass outside seemed to have turned into dull needles and woodchips. "That's...disturbing..." Candace said. "It's like everything that's comfortable turned hard and...uncomfortable I guess..." Phineas turned on the TV to see if they said anything on the news. But instead of the news popping up, a man in a lab coat did, talking loudly. "-ate Area, so now, you must buy from me, Dr. Doofenshmirtz! The first pillow, is free, and the second...the second will cost one hundred dollars! And they're tiny too, so you'd have to pay like...500 dollars to get enough for a normal person's head, that's a lot of money. BUT YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! Come to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, TODAY!" "Say, he looks familiar." Candace said. "Well, I know what we're doing today!" Phineas said to Ferb. "Let's go buy a few pillows for Perry!" "Phineas, that stupid, those prices are unreasonable! I mean, where do you even get the money for those projects of yours?" They all stared at each other for a full minute, then Phineas and Ferb went upstairs to change into their usual attire. Phineas opened a drawer and reached for a shirt. His hand brushed up against glass. He picked it up and saw all of his clothes had turned hard and unable to be worn. "Huh, well Ferb, I guess we'll spend the day in our jammies." he said. Neither of them seemed bothered by it. "Come on, let's take Perry with us, maybe we can appeal to that guy's better nature. We're also the only soft things he can cuddle against so I guess it'll work out." Ferb nodded and picked up Perry, allowing the platypus to get comfortable in his arms before moving to follow Phineas outside of the door. He could've sworn Perry looked a little worried, but it might have been because he was sick. They were going to originally ride their bikes, but the seats had turned hard and hurt, so they walked instead. It wasn't that long of a walk, and arriving at the building didn't take long at all. Only a few people were there, and they were able to go past all of them easily. "Excuse me!" Phineas said to the guy who had shown up on TV. "Yes? What? Children? We have little kids coming in here now?" he said with some sort of German accent. "Yeesh, what kind of money do kids make nowadays? Oh look you have a little platypus." "Yeah." Phineas said, amused. "He's sick though, and we need a pillow to keep him comfortable so he can rest after his visit to the vet..." "Yes, well, what do you think everyone else is here for? You'll have to wait in line like them." he said. "And my pillow-inator is running a little slow so it's going to be a long wait." "Pillow-Inator? Is that a machine?" Phineas asked while Ferb cocked an eyebrow at the name. "Say, Ferb and I are good with machines, maybe we can help it run faster!" Perry chattered suddenly and flopped out of Ferb's arms onto the floor. "Perry! No, bad boy, stay." Phineas said worriedly, picking him up. It was easy since he seemed too weak to walk. "Your platypus is named Perry too?" "Um...yeah, do you have a pet platypus?" "No, but I have a platypus as my nemesis, his name is also Perry and he has a little secret agent hat." "Cool." Phineas said, glancing at Ferb. "Now, about that machine, can we have a look?" "Have a look? You two are just kids, take a look at yourselves, one of you is wearing feety pajamas!" "Hmm, that's never stopped us before." Phineas said as Ferb shifted to look at his own feet. "Though we haven't built anything in our pajamas before, I'm sure the results will be the same. Come on, just take us to it, for a poor, sick, platypus!" "Fiiine. Come on, follow me." Doofenshmirtz sighed, turning and motioning for them to follow him. They all stepped into an elevator, gitchee gitchee goo playing in the background. When the doors opened, they were in a large room with a machine in the center trembling. After a moment, it spit out a smoking pillow. "That...does look like a problem." Phineas said, placing Perry on the ground. He wasn't exactly sure how to fix a machine he and Ferb hadn't built. Hopefully Ferb did since he was already next to it, collecting a bunch of tools he found around the area. "I didn't say you could touch my things." Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, looking annoyed while Ferb pulled off a few parts from the machine. "Look, all you're doing is messing things up! You're lucky I can build another one later if you mess this one up...I just need to get the blueprints, money..." He babbled on and on and Phineas went over to Ferb to see what he could do to help. Ferb seemed to know what he was doing and was quickly rewiring everything, so Phineas went to check on the programming. "You need a serious upgrade!" Phineas said, pulling out a small chip. "What are you talking about? That's the best there is...and that I can afford." "Worry not, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, we'll take care of it!" Phineas assured. Ferb handed him a new chip from a wallet he was carrying. "I'll reprogram this one we have a bit, then your Pillow-inator should be raring to go!" Doofenshmirtz crossed his arms and watched as they worked, Phineas had already finished reprogramming and the two were finishing up. Phineas froze, then looked around. "Hey, where's Perry?" Chapter Two Perry frowned when he heard that they realized he was missing. He was trying to cut the cord that was thicker than himself, but his moving was making him very tired and his vision was blurry. The owners he loved were helping his nemesis, that thought alone made his head throb. He didn't really know what to do, but he had to be discrete if he wanted to thwart Doofenshmirtz without his owners finding out his other identity. When he saw Phineas and Ferb coming toward him from the corner of his eye, he put his knife away quickly and put some of cord in his mouth to make it seem as if he was chewing it. Ferb pointed at the platypus when he spotted him and the two rushed up to him. "Perrrrry." Phineas sighed, pulling him from the cord and stroking him a few times. "Behave boy. Hey, he feels hotter then before." "Look at what he did to it! Ugh, your platypus is almost as annoying as my nemesis." Doofenshmirtz said. "Come on, the cord isn't that much damaged, he barely got through the rubber, it should work fine." Phineas said, giving a small smile. "Well it better." "Don't worry! Have some confidence." Phineas put Perry closer to his chest. "Ferb, let's get things cooking and start up that machine!" Ferb gave him a small salute and went to the control panel, flipping the machine on. It shuddered and a small pillow popped out, followed by another a moment later. After a minute, pillows shot out every few seconds and formed a pile in the corner of the room. Phineas cheerfully bounced on top of them. Perry set himself on a few, relaxing. He would thwart Doofenshmirtz...after he got a little sleep... "Ok, so it works." Doofenshmirtz said. "Now you two should go back and wait in line for your pillow." "Actually, I was thinking maybe we can get them now, seeing as we're in here...and you know, I'm sitting on a bunch of pillows." Phineas said cheerfully. "Well yes...speaking of which, get off of them!" Doofenshmirtz said, shooing him off. "Ok...now you wanted some for your little platypus friend?" "Yup. Let's see, I'd say maybe four pillows is enough for him. So, scratching off the free one, that's 300 dollars, right?" "Yes, that is correct..." he said, sounding impatient. "Only one tiny problem with that...we don't have any money on us." "What?! Then why did you come here in the first place? Take your free pillow and go." "Initially we were going to attempt to appeal to your better nature, or just charge it, but fixing this machine gave me an idea. I was thinking-" "You think too much." "...I was thinking that we could...I don't know, fix and build you more things?" "What makes you think I want more things built? This plan seems to be working fine, so-" "Plan?" "Yes, my plan to rule over the Tri-State Area." "You plan on ruling the Tr-State Area?" Phineas cocked his head and Ferb walked over to them, interested. "I am very close to it too." Phineas frowned. "Not the whole world?" "Well, I'm starting small and the Tri-State Area is small so you know, it'll grow. It-It's a work in progress." Phineas stared at him for a while, then shrugged. "Well, at least you think big. But come on, there has to be something we can do for you." "Now that you mention it...I do have a couple of old inventions that could be worked on, and you have proved your worth...so you can work on them..." "Ok, show us what you got!" He walked to another room, the two boys close behind, and revealed a line of ruined creations. Phineas' eyes went wide and his smile grew when he saw all the machines. He didn't know exactly what they were, but they looked cool. Doofenshmirtz nudged him and guided them to the one closest to them. "Behold, the Drill-Inator! Or, what's left of it anyway." Doofenshmirtz sighed. "Wow..." Phineas said, staring at all the dents and scratches. It was twisted in many places and some of it even looked melted. "What was this for and...what happened to it?!" "I had planned to dig through the earth and make a toll road to China...making me rich..." "Um...there's molten lava at the earth's c-" "Oh, you think I didn't figure that out?! I'm not an idiot you know!" Phineas smiled brightly at him, throwing him off slightly. "Are you always happy?!" he asked, scowling. "I've only seen you look normal for like, two seconds!" "Pretty much." Phineas said cheerfully. "Did you know it takes less muscles to smile than to frown? Why overwork?" "Well your little friend doesn't seem to think that..." Doofenshmirtz commented, jerking his head in Ferb's direction with a smirk. "Actually he's my brother...but you know, I've never really thought about that..." Phineas said, looking over at Ferb. Ferb gave him a overly-bright smile for a brief second, then went impassive once more. "If you two can restore my Drill-Inator back into it's former glory, then you have a deal." "Great! Come on Ferb, let's take a look." When they got closer, Phineas realized the back half of it was missing. The drill was intact though, and was just a bit rusted. Ferb stepped "inside" and poked his head out of a large hole, one of two that was already in it. What the heck really happened to it? "This is gonna need a lot of work." Phineas said. "A new frame for starters, we can fix up the drill, rewire, reprogram...then eventually we'll have to test it out...I'd say it will take us about half an hour after our supplies come in." "Do what you have to do, I have customers to tend to." Doofenshmirtz sighed. "Norm will be up to assist you." When he left, a door slid open and a oversized humanoid robot came out. "I'm Norm." it said loudly. Phineas eyes went wide. "...Awesome...." Chapter Three "So I was like, "no way" and she was like, "yes way" then it turned out to be true because Jeremy came up and did it right in front of me!" Candace said loudly on her cell phone. Stacy, on the other end, sighed. "Oh brother...Candace, I think you're exaggerating a bit." "Well yeah...hey, wait a minute...Brothers...Where are my brothers?" "Phineas and Ferb?" "I only have two brothers, Stacy, who else?" Candace sighed. "They went off to that Doofy-incorporated place, they should be back by now." "Eww, you mean that big ugly purple building?" "Yup." "I heard about that, he's the only one with pillows, right?" "Yeah, Phineas and Ferb went to go and get some for Perry, he's sick and probably needs rest...Hey that reminds me, I'll call you back, Stace!" Candace hung up and walked out of her room down the stairs to the window where she could view the front yard. There were no signs of her mother, even though Phineas had said she would be home in a few minutes, it had almost been an hour now. She quickly dialed Linda's number and held the phone up to her ear. It rang a couple of times then went to voice mail. She hung up and tried again, this time getting an answer from what sounded like a man. "This is Oga speaking, what do you want?" Candace winced from the voice. "Uh...hi, is my mom there? Linda Flynn?" She could hear her mother in the background. "Candace! If it's some out-of-this-world-thing Phineas and Ferb have done, I'm not interested! I'm having my own problem right now!" Candace sighed, jumping when Oga spoke again. "Sorry sweetheart, your mom is stuck in the mud, we're working on getting her out, we're almost done though." "Ok, can you tell her that Perry is sick and probably needs to go to the vet?" "Sure thing, hun." She hung up and dialed Phineas' number. "Helloooo?" Phineas answered. "Phineas, what are you doing? Don't you think you've been over there a bit too long?" "We're sort of using a different payment method. We're helping Dr. Doofenshmirtz out as payment instead of money! Why, is something wrong?" "Well, Mom's stuck at the spa so I'm not sure when she'll be able to take Perry to the vet..." "I hope it doesn't take too long...I'm not sure when we'll be done here either though." Phineas sighed. There was a pause and for a while Candace thought he hung up. "Call me back as soon as Mom gets home, Ferb says he'll do the work while I go with mom to the vet. I gotta go, I have a giant robot in my hands." ~o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o~ "Get down! Down, down, down, get off! Shoo!" Perry opened his eyes and saw Doofenshmirtz right in front of him, waving his arms in front of his face. He almost jumped to his feet to put his fedora on, but then what happened earlier that day came back to him and he calmed, remaining in his domestic pet state. "Hey, get off those, I set up a little bed for you over there." Doofenshmirtz said, gesturing toward a box with four pillows in it. Perry remained in his spot, playing dumb. He also didn't feel like moving, his legs were sore and his head was throbbing just by keeping his eyes open. He closed them again. He didn't have time to get comfortable because two hands picked him up. The hold was firm, but he was placed gently in the box. He curled up and waited until the evil scientist had taken a cart of pillows and left the room. As soon as he was gone, he pulled up some of his fur to look at his wrist communicator. "Agent P! Where have you been?" Major Monogram asked loudly, making Perry wince. "You look terrible, you're taking a day off I suppose! How bad are you? Dr. Doofenshmirtz has come up with his most disturbing invention yet, a machine that makes all forms of comfort-" Perry sighed and held his wrist up to show where he was. "Oh...I see you're...already...there." Perry rolled his eyes. "Agent P, what exactly is the situation?" He stumbled out of the box reluctantly and attempted to walk on two legs to the room Phineas and Ferb were in. After a while, he put the band of the communicator in his mouth so it dangled, giving Monogram a view as he instead walked on four legs. He shuffled to the door, pushing it very slowly to peek inside. "Norm, do you have an instruction manual?" he heard Phineas ask. "We wanna learn a bit more about you before our supplies get here." "Indeed I do sir!" The two came in view as Norm popped a thick booklet out of his chest and on top of Phineas. Ferb was on Norm's shoulder with a screwdriver, waiting for instructions. "Great googly moogly! Those boys are always managing to get in some kind of trouble with Dr. Doofenshmirtz at the worst possible times! Don't worry Agent P, we're on it, another agent will be sent to assist you!" Perry let out a relieved sigh and closed the door, going back to lay in the box. There was a loud crash and he jumped, spinning back to open the door again. Phineas and Ferb were on the ground looking dazed, Norm was right next to them, having fallen to the ground. After a moment the two brothers were laughing and Perry frowned. He would hate to spoil their fun, but what they were doing was unintentionally evil; he was unsure of how aware of that they were. His legs trembled and he limped back into the box. Hurry, Major Monogram... Chapter Four "I gotta say, Ferb... Norm. Is. Awesome." Phineas said to the giant robot Ferb was inside of. He was able to easily control Norm to do the things they needed smaller machines for, he was practically a mobile toolbox. Phineas was sitting on the floor reading the instructions out loud to Ferb, so far everything worked great. "We're just about finished with this Drill-inator!" He stood and closed the manual. "Thanks for your help Norm." "Thank you sir!" Norm said as Ferb climbed out. "Please remember to refill the squirrel's water bottle!" Ferb gave the robot a thumbs up and walked away to find a bottle of water while Phineas went to go check on Perry. Perry was laying in the box, wide awake. "Aww Perry, just try to sleep!" Phineas said softly. The platypus lowered his head and closed his eyes, but his head hurt too much so he poked it back out and stared at Phineas. Phineas was about to go forward and pet him when suddenly the doorbell rang. "Why is there a doorbell outside of a room?" Phineas asked himself, walking to the door and opening it. There was no one there except a potted plant. Wearing a small fedora. Phineas turned around, alarmed, when he saw Perry had fallen out of the box. ~o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o~ Candace paced back and forth in front of the TV waiting for Let's All Dance Until We're Sick came back on. Stacy was on the other end of her phone again, talking about who she wanted to win. Candace had her attention divided between Stacy and the TV, where the man in the lab coat was talking again. "You can't expect me to believe that none of you want something soft to lay on!" he continued. "Come to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! We have hundreds of pillows! Come on, buy, buy, buy!" "Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated..." Candace repeated to Stacy, cutting her off. "What about it?" "Hmm...It's occurred to me that Phineas and Ferb might actually be in danger...Seeing as they are in an evil corporation..." Candace mused. "So...maybe I should go get them or something?" "Nah, I'm sure they're fine!" Stacy said quickly. There was a pause as she thought about it. "Well, if it's really bothering you, you should go. You are their older sister." "Maybe I should go help my mom and then tell her where they went." "Oh, like she's really going to believe you." "'Mom, Phineas and Ferb went to an evil corporation to get pillows...'" Candace stopped. "Yeah you're right. I'll go there myself." she stopped again when she heard a faint beep on her phone. "Oh, hold up Stace, I have another call." "Holding." Candace looked at her phone and saw it was Linda calling, immediately she answered. "Hello?" "Ok Candace, now what's going on? Oga mentioned something about Perry." Linda said on the other end. "Oh, good, mom! Phineas and Ferb went to an- weeeell actually, yeah, Perry is sick." Candace replied. "They want you to take him to the vet." "Well, I'm free and pretty much done here, something strange has been going on..." Linda said. "I think someone somehow stole the seats of my car, they're hard plastic now...I'll be home soon, alright? Tell Phineas and Ferb to get Perry ready." "Yeah sure..." Candace sighed. She hung up and dialed Phineas' number. She had to call twice before Phineas finally answered. "Sorry, I was putting up this new potted plant, it came with a hat...it was weird." Phineas explained. "So, what's up?" Candace blinked, not really understanding what he just said. "Get back to the house, Mom is on her way to take Perry to the vet." She could hear Phineas moving around on the other end. "Ok, Ferb will be fine on his own. I'll be there in a flash...really." there was more sounds on the other end and she could hear clanking, then Phineas saying, "You ready Norm? Ferb, hit it!" Candace glared at the phone. "Phineas? Phineas, what are you-" There was a loud bang from both the phone, and right outside of the house. Candace hung up and ran to the door, peeking out to see what had happened outside. She was shocked to see Phineas with his hands wrapped around a robot's head as if he had been riding it. By the time she had the courage to go outside, he had already slid off, opening a compartment in the robot where Perry was resting in a box of pillows. He looked a little more lively, but it may have been because of the unusual ride he was in. "Phineas, what the HECK is this?" Candace shouted, gesturing to the giant robot. "I'm Norm!" it said loudly. "I wasn't asking you!" she snapped. "He's Norm, Doofenshmirtz's robot man. He's really helpful...though you have to control him most of the time. I just used one of his ways of transportation." Phineas explained. "I'm gonna send him back to Ferb though, he's working all alone now." Candace didn't bother to question him further as the robot disappeared in a flash. ~o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o~ Ferb noticed Norm had returned but didn't do anything about it. As soon as Phineas and Norm had left, he had finished the final touches on the Drill-inator. Now he just had to wait for the scientist to come back and tell him what to fix next, or if he could go. To pass the time, he went around the room Perry had been resting in to look for something to read. He was looking through a shelf when Doofenshmirtz walked in. "What are you doing? Where's the other kid?" he asked immediately. As usual, Ferb didn't reply. "Yes...my nemesis isn't much of a talker eith- oh hey look at this potted plant! Where did this come from?" Ferb watched him, a little bored, while he examined the plant and the fedora next to it. "You know, it looks kind of familiar...But what does it matter? All plants look the same." Ferb just stared at him. He stared back for only a few seconds. "You really are like my nemesis. Though he's ungrateful and didn't even bother to come today! Can you believe it? I had this whole musical number planned for him while I gave this scarring back-story, but no, someone didn't show up! I wasted money on this, it's ridiculous!" he ranted. "It'd be a shame to waste a back-story and a musical number...so...hmm, would you mind if I showed it to you instead?" He shook his head. "Great, ok..." he pulled out a remote from his coat and pointed it at a projector. It flicked on and a muted colored picture was shown. "One day, when I was in the..." he went silent. "You know, it just doesn't feel right to tell you this unless..." He stared at Ferb, then at the fedora, then back at Ferb again. Ferb rolled his eyes as Doofenshmirtz placed the fedora on his head. Category:Fanon Works